Polishing Armor
by Kitty O
Summary: Love sealed Leon's descent into darkness. Now, without it, he has to climb his way back into the light. Alternate character interpretation of series 4. Morgause/Leon: Moron. Sequel to "Knight in Charred Armor". No slash.
1. Chapter 1

_Sequel to "Knight in Charred Armor". What is really going through Sir Leon's mind throughout season 4, what with the loss of Morgause with him everywhere?_

**Polishing Armor**

**A Merlin Fanfic by Kitty O**

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><p>Time passed. That was the thing about time. It was both good and bad, Leon figured, that it did. Bad times would go by, but then so would the good ones.<p>

And pain would fade after a while.

That too was both good and bad. Some people could get very attached to their own pain. It could be hard to let go and let oneself be happy again when the thought that someone might come along and care about that anger and hurt, justifying it, was so enticing.

But it had been a year since the Morgause he knew had been defeated and disappeared from his life, almost definitely dead. And the pain and fierce anger had cooled a bit since then. He hadn't been happy, no; he hadn't been happy for a long time. But he hadn't been really miserable either. He'd grown to like the new knights that had come into Camelot. Gwaine was good for a laugh, and Percival and Elyan were civil men. Lancelot was different, a little apart; he had a serious streak, a strong sense of _honor_…

_I used to be like that…_

He'd satisfied himself with being pleased that Uther was reduced to a sick, staring man (he felt that was fair, after what the king had done to Morgause's kind), and even regained a little lost respect for Arthur. A little. He still felt that stubborn dislike for Merlin, but he tried to hide it… Because the Leon they all knew had no reason to dislike Merlin. No reason at all. Who didn't like Merlin, after all?

As for Agravaine… Leon had an eye on _him_. He was highly suspicious. He even occasionally smirked. (Like he had been taking lessons from a certain someone that Leon hadn't seen in a year.) But Leon hadn't heard anything from Morgana. He'd thought he would. If she was able, he'd thought that she would send him word at least on how Morgause fared. Surely her silence could only mean that her sister was _gone_?

Yes, time passed, and some things changed, but overall Leon felt that he was in some sort of limbo of not knowing and not doing anything about it.

When he, with Elyan and two other, older knights behind him, rode up behind the woman in the long, black dress, her hood up, dragging the rickety cart behind her, he didn't know that it was all about to get set back into motion again. He'd heard the rumors that she was active again, so maybe he should have guessed. But he didn't.

"Halt!" he called in a loud voice as he and his fellow knights galloped over the rocky terrain. Sure enough, the figure stopped moving, still turned away, eerily silent and unresponsive. It didn't turn around, as if that wasn't necessary to place Leon's voice.

The knights rode closer.

"Stay where you are!" Leon ordered as he began to dismount, and the figure obligingly put down the handle for the cart and started to turn. The other knights climbed off their horses too, but Leon was first.

"Where are you headed?" he demanded as they came forward.

The figure began to turn. "Seas of Meridor," replied a musical voice that he recognized vaguely.

"What's in the cart?" he asked. He turned to gesture to one of his fellow knights to come forward, and looked back just in time to see the face beneath the hood full on.

His eyes widened as years of memory hit him, years of interaction and friendship and changes. And a sudden, fierce, unquenchable hope.

"Lady Morgana!" he gasped.

Her eyes flashed gold as her hand went up. She didn't even stop for greetings before the man next to him was down. Leon watched him fall with a shocked expression on his face before he turned back… And got a blast of magic himself.

He flew up into the air, his ears full of the wind, and struck the rocks hard. Everything went black.

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><p><strong>AN: So. Here's the short part to get it started off. Now, Leon was being difficult in season 4. He was such a good guy! In episode 5 he ruffled Merlin's hair, I think! THAT'S NOT VERY EVIL! But I've got an idea and I think it should work. But since Leon had so much screen time, it may either be a lot longer or a lot shorter than Knight in Charred Armor. Any votes on which way it should go? **


	2. Chapter 2

She thought she heard Leon's voice.

As she laid there, the side of her face smarting, listening to Morgana take care of whatever made her stop, Morgause thought she heard Leon's voice.

She nearly had to bite her tongue. Her first instinct was to yell out his name and get his attention, but she couldn't. She'd been hearing Leon's voice for weeks, ever since she realized she was doomed for death, and that nothing could stop her deterioration. But it wasn't real, and she wouldn't bother Morgana again.

Even if it was Leon, she could not see him. She could not allow herself that… It would make her weak, make her falter. Besides, did she want him to see her with her new face? No. It was best for all if nothing at all was said between them. Leon, she knew, with all his honorable knight heart, would not approve of her plan to destroy so many innocents with her death.

So she just wouldn't tell him.

And unlike the last time she'd simply opted not to tell him until it was too late, this time she would not have to deal with his hurt over it… Because she would be gone. The thought was strangely appealing.

She shifted from the pain, and Morgana pulled back the blanket on top of Morgause, covering the cart in which Morgause was lying.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes," Morgause answered. "But we must hurry, sister. Night is nearly upon us…" She turned her head, letting the dry air caress her sore face. "And we still have far to go."

As Morgana turned away, Morgause wanted to call out to her and ask if it had been Leon.

But she didn't.

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><p>"The reports are true, Sire. We caught up with Morgana on the Plains of Denaria." Leon didn't mind reporting to Arthur anymore. It irked him back when the pain of losing Morgause was still new. But now, his respect for the Prince Regent was growing again. Morgause had been wrong (and wasn't that <em>such<em> a surprise). He cared.

"She alone?"

Elyan spoke up. "There was no one else."

"Morgause?"

Leon felt like he'd been stabbed in the gut at her name falling that way from Arthur's lips. They hadn't seen Morgause, and it was driving Leon crazy. Why hadn't they seen Morgause? Leon spent a second collecting himself, but luckily Elyan answered again.

"Couldn't be sure."

Agravaine, skulking in the corner as usual, spoke. "Where was Morgana heading?"

Leon answered him. "The seas of Meridor."

Gaius, with his arms folded, nodded as though that made perfect sense. "The Isle of the Blessed." Leon had heard a little about that place. But did it have anything to do with Morgause?

Agravaine said to Arthur, "I'll send out patrols at first light."

"Thank you, Agravaine."

Because Leon did not mind Arthur, he did not mind telling him the rest. Besides, if he didn't, Elyan would. It made little difference. "Sire. You should know. Her powers have grown." He told Arthur how both their companions were dead.

Arthur sighed with regret and looked down, showing sorrow for his lost men. "Keep me informed of any developments," he ordered, and with a nod and a bow, Elyan and Leon walked from the room, leaving Arthur to make a king's decisions.

As Leon walked down the hall, Elyan still silently beside him, he was still confused. He had seen Morgana, and she had acted like the enemy. Perhaps she thought that Leon had turned his loyalties back to Arthur and his kind—and that wasn't true; he had simply adapted. Perhaps it was simply because of the other knights' presence that she hadn't talked to him.

Or perhaps she had been in a hurry. But why? Why was she in a hurry? Where had Morgause been?

Leon was confused.

Unfortunately, his befuddlement was not going to ease soon. Because then Merlin collapsed at the dinner. And then people began to get attacked by unkillable creatures. Leon went to one of the villages; he saw the corpses of the Dorocha's victims, and he heard that it was Morgana's fault.

And Arthur had some sort of plan.

Leon had the strangest feeling that he'd been here before. Magical attacks by Morgana. Innocent people dead to get to Arthur, to get at the throne of Camelot… So familiar.

And what did Morgause have to do with all of this?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: No reviews last chapter, which made me sad. Hopefully you people will give me some feedback this time.**

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><p>Leon found Morgana by following Agravaine.<p>

With the Dorocha attacking, he probably should have had bigger problems. But he couldn't shake the feeling that Morgause had something to do with the death of all those people anyway. (It gave him an inexplicable sense of déjà vu.)

So, after Arthur decided to go on the quest, when Agravaine went to Morgana, Leon was seized by suspicion and followed.

Leon hid in the bushes until Agravaine had left, walking away and shaking his head as though he was rebuking himself. Once the older man was gone, Leon leapt from his hiding place and knocked on Morgana's door.

The door was thrown open. "I thought I told you to g—Leon!"

Morgana's green-shadowed eyes widened as she took in the sight of him standing there before her hovel, looking determined.

"Leon, how did you find me?"

"I followed your new crony," Leon told her. "He's a bit older than Cenred, isn't he?"

"I imagine he is," Morgana replied, having recovered enough to stand up and face Leon. She didn't invite him into the hut; she probably didn't know if he could be trusted.

Leon stepped in anyway. He didn't even notice Morgana's nervousness; he was looking around. "Hopefully," he said half-jokingly, hiding his own worried, "Morgause hasn't taken up with him too."

Morgana looked disgusted, and, he thought, a tiny bit jealous. Agravaine obviously was _hers_. "She has not," Morgana said stiffly.

Leon's heart felt as fragile as the glass they'd had to put back in the castle after Morgana's last attack. He remembered once, when the people handling it had become spooked and dropped it—and it shattered, multi-colored, all over the cobblestones. He had to ask. "Where is Morgause?"

Morgana hesitated. She looked so different now… Her hair, her eyes, her wardrobe. But he recognized that hesitation that crossed her face. He'd seen it enough times.

"She's…" Morgana eyed him as though afraid he would collapse. "Leon, she's dead."

Inside, Leon crumbled. He was so stupid. Of course she was. He'd seen this coming. Why had he let himself hope? Why, why, why?

"From her injuries after the attack?"

He'd expected a quick, affirmative nod. But she paused just a little too long before giving it.

"That's not what happened?" he asked in confusion.

"No, she was mortally wounded when Merlin got the Cup of Life."

"He did it, then." Of course. Leon wished they'd killed him earlier.

"I think so," Morgana said, shaking her head. "Morgause couldn't remember when she woke up."

"How did she die?"

"… Of her wound."

As Leon had thought. Only… "No, really."

Morgana's eyes flashed like the powerful woman she was. "Do you accuse me of lying?"

Now he knew she wasn't telling all the truth. "Morgana, if anyone has a right to know, it's me. She would want me to know. Lady Morgana, please…"

"She told me to," Morgana said suddenly, quietly, sounding almost small—like a child.

The world seemed slower, like it was underwater. _She told me to_? Oh, no. She didn't mean… "You killed her?"

"She would have died anyway!" Morgana snapped. "She told me this was the best way… Releasing the Dorocha…"

Oh. Hadn't Gaius said…? Human sacrifice? _Morgause? _"She told you… to sacrifice her, to kill her." _She left me._ "So that all these people would die? For what purpose?" Leon felt his face heat up. "To destroy Camelot again? Don't you get tired of that anyway?"

"I had to," Morgana said. That was almost as bad as Morgause's old "unfortunate, but this is war" excuse.

"You could have found another way, Morgana. Was it worth your sister's life?"

Morgana's pale face went red. "I am Camelot's rightful queen!"

"And she was your only sister!" Leon replied.

"She was suffering! She asked me to!"

"You're joking!" Leon shot back. "You have the power to release those dead things; she had the power to heal you after you were poisoned… And you can't even fix an injury or dull some pain?"

"You don't understand!" she hissed through her teeth.

"No," he agreed. "I don't."

She glared at him. She had the power to kill him with several words, he realized, but he wasn't afraid of her.

"You killed Morgause." He said it softly, repeating it to himself to let it sink in. The woman he loved. The woman Morgana also loved.

Morgana couldn't answer that. She stared at him, waiting, knowing he had more to say.

"And to think I've been swearing revenge on Prince Arthur and Merlin for a year," he said, shaking his head. "Looks like I was looking at the wrong murderer."

He gave a bow and turned to walk away.

She could have blasted him while his back was turned or as he walked out the door and back to Camelot. But he knew she wouldn't. Because unless he was imagining things, her eyes had been glistening as he turned away from her, and he didn't feel all that bad about it.


	4. Chapter 4

Leon had become accustomed at hiding his pain and agenda. It wasn't too hard anymore. Besides, if he was a little upset, it was only to be expected. People were dying.

They went on their trip, and Leon fit right in with the grim atmosphere.

When Merlin was attacked by the Dorocha (and why didn't he die right away? Why didn't he ever die? And they accused Leon of being hard to kill!), he was terrified. Not that he minded if Merlin went and got himself frozen nearly solid, and if the boy – man, whatever – died, then Leon might even be a little pleased. Though he was finding it harder to be angrier with Merlin since he'd realized that Morgana had killed her sister, and it wasn't easy to hate too many people at once. No, Leon was terrified because he'd seen the way Arthur cared about Merlin, and if they turned back now, then the Dorocha would continue to attack. They wouldn't defeat Morgana's monsters.

He didn't want to hear more about the attacks and remember how at the end of her life, the woman he'd loved had sent this revenge on the world.

It was like she'd never made anything good in her life.

She'd taken Morgana and taught him how to hate people, and then she'd died and killed even more people. She'd been so beautiful and vivacious, and he didn't want to feel like that.

He needed to get rid of the Dorocha and thwart Morgana, and then he'd start worrying about how his life was beginning to sound eerily like Morgause's.

So when Lancelot volunteered to take Merlin back, he was relieved.

And when they came back, he was vaguely glad though he couldn't place why.

Then they'd reached the Isle and everything had just become chaos, but by the time he got out of it, Merlin and Arthur and Leon were alive—and Lancelot wasn't. The Dorocha were gone.

Leon was shaken by the loss of Lancelot. He couldn't deny it. A young man full of life and hope and love, full of honor, wasn't that what Leon had thought, that _he_ had once been like that?

Maybe all men like that were destined to die in some fashion.

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><p>They reached Camelot, and it was Arthur's birthday, and Leon was happy enough about that.<p>

Then Uther died, and Leon was faintly happy.

Then Arthur became king, and Leon was glad.

But now Arthur hated magic, and that Leon didn't like. Morgause would have immediately started on her plan to dispose of him, one which would have failed.

Leon decided to wait, though, to see what Arthur did and try subtler methods, like Merlin always seemed to do when Arthur was being a "prat". But Merlin didn't seem to be fighting him; Merlin seemed to have lost hope.

Merlin without hope was strangely frightening.

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><p>It was when they went after Borden that Leon realized he could laugh again. He still felt that love for a dead woman in his heart, and he still felt the need to defeat Morgana. But time passed, and when Percival (Percival, of all people!) said they should make Merlin think there was no food left, Leon found himself laughing.<p>

It was a nice feeling.

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><p>When Merlin volunteered to dress as a night and lead the bandits into a trap, Leon found to his shock that he didn't hate the man anymore.<p>

That was a horrifying realization. Merlin had poisoned Morgana! _You hate Morgana. _He had injured Morgause, possibly mortally! _But he was protecting Camelot. _And he was Morgana's enemy.

And he gave Arthur good advice, and Leon was almost sure that he liked Arthur again.

They killed Annis's husband, and Leon's heart bled for her.

And then Arthur amended his mistake, and kept them from war, and Annis forgave him for the death of her husband.

He didn't understand that, how you could forgive the person who killed _the most important person in the world, _but then it was Arthur. And Arthur was strangely easy to forgive.

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><p>"Driving you mad, is he?"<p>

"Not for much longer!"

Leon found, to his amazement, that life was actually an enjoyable affair sometimes. He liked not hating everyone in Camelot. He liked letting himself laugh.

He wished, though, that Morgause was still alive. Because he wished he could show her this kind of happiness. She might have liked it, and then he could have helped her learn how to make a positive difference. To save lives, like Lancelot, instead of take them, like she had done.

But her memory didn't hurt so much anymore.

(He wouldn't figure it out for many years, but when he did, he felt rather foolish upon discovering that Merlin had actually wanted that crossbow to kill the king.)

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><p>Gaius's betrayal had broken Arthur's heart. Leon knew what betrayal felt like.<p>

He was glad that, in this case, it never happened.

But Agravaine, who was still slinking around, was getting very annoying trying to ruin Arthur's rule. Leon found himself sympathizing with Merlin when the pale man started rolling his eyes at Agravaine's traitorous back.

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><p>Leon woke up from the Lamia, and he remembered.<p>

He didn't know why or how. He just knew that whenever his eyes open, it all hit him. Morgana standing up on that balcony, her hand slicing down, the people running and crossbows releasing…

He remembered falling apart.

And then Morgause enchanted him.

Betrayal was thick in his throat on the way back to Camelot. He had never been so angry at someone who was dead. That was wrong. He had made a choice and she had completely betrayed him. This was why Merlin was justified in going after the Cup of Life and why Arthur was right to take back his throne—Morgana's reign had been bad, bad for everyone, for the people.

And Morgause had been bad.

He couldn't say it any other way.

She had been bad; no friend to everything Leon loved… But no, that wasn't right. Because he loved her. He didn't love her decisions, but he loved her. Lamia and her spell hadn't been real, though having it lifted had opened his eyes.

He loved her, and she was dead.

But she was wrong. He'd finally proved her wrong. And he could not act with the convictions of someone he knew to be incorrect—hadn't he told her that enough times?

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><p>When Arthur proposed, Leon was happy for them. But he was also hurt. It wasn't really fair that they should both be so good and happy and able to get married.<p>

But Leon kept an eye out. If he knew Morgana, she wouldn't put up with this news. She would try to wreck the wedding.

Unfortunately, he hadn't expected the kind of fight she put up.

Perhaps Leon had been right, and it was the fate of all honorable men to die in some way.

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><p>Elyan lost his mind, and then he was possessed, and then Arthur was ordering them not to touch or arrest any peaceful Druids.<p>

It was confusing.

But something told Leon, if the renewed hope on Merlin's face was anything to go by, that this turn of events was actually good. And he needed good news, what with Gwen's absence.

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><p>Leon liked Mithian. He didn't like Arthur's reason for marrying her.<p>

He recognized something desperate in Arthur's eyes since Gwen left. Leon knew he was hurt, but he hoped he didn't go through with it—after all, it wasn't fair to Mithian or to himself.

Overall, Leon was relieved when she left.

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><p>And then they lost Camelot.<p>

Again.

But this time, Leon was on the losing team's side. Hopefully the underdog would make a comeback again, just like last time, because Leon remembered her last reign vividly—well, he did now.

And he wasn't going to let her do that again, not even for Morgause's memory.

He'd loved Morgause, but she'd been wrong and made him wrong too. _I wish she was back, so we could do it the other way around._

But he didn't have time for daydreaming. He had a king to support with his life and a queen to overthrow.

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><p>Leon's heart broke for Tristan. He knew that pain well.<p>

But he smiled for Arthur and Guinevere, because they were so lucky and good, the both of them. And if he couldn't have the ending he wanted, he was glad they could.

Love could get them through a lot. And they would never lead each other astray.

Leon didn't say that out loud, because it would have been uncomfortable to admit and to explain. Instead, he drank a lot and laughed at Merlin because he started crying, and laughed more when Arthur told him he was a girl.

It wasn't really all that funny, but he was a very little bit drunk.

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><p>That night he dreamt of Morgause.<p>

_She lay in a flowered field, her blonde hair all around her, and stared at the sky. When he came to her, she stared at him, too—hungrily, like her eyes were greedy. _

_He lay down beside her and put an arm around her. _

_There was silence until she said, "I'm sorry."_

_He nodded. "I forgive you. And I love you."_

"_And I love you."_

_There was silence again, but it was perfectly comfortable. This wasn't real, and he knew it. Her presence wasn't real. But he was dreaming, and so he could pretend it was. They didn't need to speak, because the sky was so interesting, and he could smell her and feel her and that was quite enough. It was enough to make him wonder, if maybe, maybe from the next world she'd found a way…_

"_What are you going to do when you wake up?" she asked. _

_He sighed and settled back, his own hair mixing with hers. He wasn't worried at all. Time was hardly passing. This was bliss. _

"_I'm going to be a knight and support my king. You were wrong, Morgause, I've proved it to myself, and so I regain the right to do what I want with my life. I want to do something positive. I wish you could do it with me, make a difference."_

_She squeezed his hand. "It is too late for me."_

"_I will make do with what I have," he told her. "I love you, though, and I won't forget you. You'll be with me… So maybe you can make a difference too, that way."_

"_I wish you had proved me wrong earlier," she said. She sighed and looked wistful. It wasn't an expression that came naturally to her. He wanted to make it go away, make her look fiery. _

_He got to his knees, over her, looking her in the face. "Okay," he said. "I _know_ you'll make a difference that way."_

_She smiled—there. She looked like fire, joyful fire. "Even with all the things I did?"_

"_Well," he said. "There's nothing quite so wrong with trying to right the form of government you had. Not exactly."_

_She laughed. The fire jumped. _

_He leaned forward and captured her lips with his, and she sat up to wrap her arms around him and kiss him back. He knew it was a dream. But dreams weren't so bad, and if Arthur and Guinevere could have their happiness their way, he would get his happiness his way. _

_There would be time for everything else in the morning. He would enjoy dreams while they lasted._

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><p><strong>AN: Between the difficulty of finding episodes online and the enthusiasm and response to this story, I decided it was best to finish it up quickly. That way I can move on to other things! xD Thank you for reading. Please review. **


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